Schedule a nooner and drink more, if you have to.

Who needs an I don’t give a fuck moment?

You do!

Because those of us who seem to have our act together break too. You need to know you are not alone.

In a given workweek, you’re spending about three hours of quality family time together if you’re a typical American family. The same study, by Visit Anaheim, suggests you spend just as much family time on the weekend as you do the whole rest of the week — three more hours.

But, that’s normal life, and nothing is “normal.” The “new normal” everyone says is coming will be here someday, but it’s not here now.

Someone big and pretentious warned me not to do this.

Keep it together.

Stay classy.

Whatever you do, don’t rant.

I’m doing it anyway. Because if I need to rant this badly, I’m positive you need to let it go too. Not Elsa, Frozen fans, just your feelings. Let them go.

Foster Connection

It’s essential to spend time together fulfilling each other’s needs. We feel more connected to the world when we connect with those we love in meaningful ways. That means focusing on spouses, partners, and kids.

But, holy crap, how can we cope with each other every minute of every day?

We weren’t made for this crammed together all the time way of life.

Connection happens when we do fun things together, but you can’t connect if the activity isn’t fun for everyone. Now, we’re stuck together nonstop and no one wants to do the same thing at the same time, and the scheduled family time is jacked because it’s too much together.

Remember back to when kids went to camp for a week and came home exhausted and on a natural high? They fell into bed that night and slept until noon the next day because they were drained. That was a good thing.

Remember when you went to work conferences and were on nonstop? You needed a day to recharge afterward because your go-juice was drained to a subpar level.

If you’ve been thrust into being on 24–7, you’re probably drained. I know I am. Where’s a conference I can attend? It might be worth taking the extra risk.

Take Alone Time

Right! That’s a joke. How the hell am I supposed to get alone time? We’re together all the time, and as much as I treasure to cuddle and have happy fun together activities, can I get a flipping moment to my own thoughts?

Do you have to hide in the bathroom to breathe and think while pretending you’re taking a long-ass dump?

Over time, couples learn to read signals and balance each other.

Read the signals and understand I need to be left alone right now; okay?

While we’re getting real about our current situation, let’s understand this too.

Too much together time is hard!

It’s hard when you’re never alone. If you’re together all the time, you may have to get creative and take risks.

This is a risk you need to take.

Schedule a Nooner

Snicker, if you will, but it’s necessary. Better yet, don’t schedule it. Be spontaneous and disappear after lunch.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids and I’m sure you love your kids too, but when are couples supposed to come together?

One kid wakes up at 5 am most days. Sleeping in might happen once in a blue moon, and that’s only until about 6 am. The other kid is a night owl and tucks us in some nights.

When can Mommy and Daddy work out their sexual tension so they can be a little calmer?

Get the kids focused on school activities or let them have electronic time while you and your spouse quietly slip away and lock the bedroom door.

The kids may knock. If they do, don’t answer the door for anything. The house won’t blow up in the next 15 minutes. Enjoy this! You deserve it!

Drink More

That’s right. Medicate. Have you noticed the spike in alcohol sales?

Some reports say alcohol consumption is up more than 60%. Because liquor stores are essential businesses, they are open. Stop by and get a little coping juice. Americans are drinking through quarantine. Join them.

Learn Something

Please don’t get me started on the amount of property taxes we’re paying for education to good schools. I prepaid. And, taxes don’t go down. Teachers aren’t lesson planning right now. It’s not teachers’ fault either. The district has decided all kids should have basic learning across grades and classes. Standardized BS, I say. Let’s toss the kids a slide deck without real-time learning or instruction. Let’s check the box for the second half of this year. A semester won’t kill anyone, but if you don’t get your shit together by fall, I want a refund on my damn taxes. Are we cool with a refund?

Parents weren’t made to teach the nuances of your darn slide deck and a lesson we didn’t plan ourselves, okay? While we get some leniency from our employers, it doesn’t mean we can be full-time teachers too. We still have to work. Will you please do your job so I can do mine? Why are we paying those high taxes again? Really, I want to know. And I want a refund! Property values had better go down next year.

Get it Together

Slow your breathing and think happy thoughts. Be aware of your needs and others’ needs. This won’t be forever.

Pass a few Xanax and a beer.

I’ll try to be good, at least until noon tomorrow.